It’s okay to admit you’re stressed. Yet, too often you don’t. Not even to yourself.
You may say instead you feel “worn down.” Exhausted. Irritated. Wired.
Perhaps you've gotten good at clenching your jaw and barrelling through. You shoulder extra work and sleepless nights for the sake of productivity. Or you stuff relationship strain because “it comes with the territory” of balancing your busy life. Maybe you do realize you’re stressed but feel uneasy letting anyone help you manage it.
You don’t want the boss to know, after all, you want to rise through the ranks. You don’t want your partner to know, what if they doubt your ability to keep things safe, happy, and secure?
So, you just go on. You just “suck it up.” Even though the cracks are beginning to show.
Stress is not something to ignore… or be ashamed of.
Are you snapping at people, calling in sick, or looking forward to happy hour a bit more than you used to?
That happens when you are overburdened. Your mind and body are likely crying out for relief.
It doesn't mean you can't handle life, it simply means that pieces of your life are no longer broken into the manageable chunks that make it enjoyable and fruitful.
Do you feel that if you aren’t stressed you aren’t working hard enough? Almost as if, without a thousand things on your mind, you’re not really the professional person, team player, leader, partner, or parent you should be. Feeling stressed for a long time can be disorienting and demoralizing.
Living with all that stress can lead you to grip the life you are living too tightly. You may feel guilty or wrong for loosening your hold. You may fear that life will lurch out of control if you do. When stress is in control, you may believe that you don’t have a right to let go and cruise a little. There is no shame in changing course.
Why Pretending To Be Superhuman Is Dangerous And Unhealthy
So what’s the wiser course of action?
To recognize stress and accept your humanity before your mind and body force you to take notice. As with most things, awareness is the first step to problem-solving. Consider the following common symptoms:
Feeling tired
Forgetfulness
Insomnia
Irritability
Low motivation
Loss of concentration and procrastination
Aches and pains (especially in the back or neck)
Frequent headaches
High blood pressure
Chest pains
Skin breakouts
Digestive trouble
Elevated heart rate
Sexual dysfunction or lack of desire
Substance abuse
In addition, stress can manifest uniquely. Are there certain things happening in your body and mind that are specific to you?
Mindfully assess your responses to the things that bother you or make you feel uncomfortable. Pay attention to what happens automatically to your thoughts and body when stress hits.
What’s stressing you? How can you get the help you need?
Your mind and body want to work well together. Stress messes with that harmony.
Slowing down a little to identify the stressors in your life and accept them for what they are is wise, not weak. Just acknowledging that you are combatting some real challenges can help you feel more in control. It’s okay to allow yourself the introspection, compassion, and reassessment you’re entitled to as a human.
Furthermore, keep in mind that, despite what you’ve told yourself, you don’t always have to be on top of your game. Let someone else have the ball while you step back and review the playbook. Give someone else permission to coach and support you. Call on loved ones, a counselor, and peers in similar life situations for help, perspective, and a sense of community that is rewarding on various levels.
5 Key Ways to Stop “Sucking it Up” & Start Letting Stress Go
Preventing and reducing stress are worthy goals. Make them a priority. Here’s how:
1. Forget about perfection
Perfectionism makes you anxious and sick. You’ll stay up all night, drive yourself in the ground, set ridiculously demanding goals, and feel like a failure when things don’t live up to your expectations. A recipe for despair.
Instead, of living under such perpetual stress, anxiety, and hopelessness, set a different standard. A good therapist will tell you: make excellence, not perfection, your goal.
2. Rediscover all of your “Off” buttons
Do you actually turn off your phone, computer, or TV? You aren't alone if you let them play all night long. Take back your quiet moments and give yourself the gift of silence. Work emails, social media, texts, and the 24-hour news cycle can wait until you are calm and rested.
Here are a few ways to set some limits:
Let most people know you’ll check your email a few times per week.
Give a select few coworkers and family ongoing access.
Use the mute function during meals and family time.
Give meditation, prayer, or journaling a try. Breathe, be curious, and reflect on the day, your relationships, and what’s happening with you.
Turn off the internet, notifications, and TV so you can get a good night’s sleep.
3. Engage in a little less competition & a bit more compassion
There’s nothing wrong with being your best. Just let that drive take you toward people instead of away from them. Using your skills and talents to help others feels good and interjects some meaning to your daily grind.
People who help people are more connected and tend to be happier. Furthermore, stress tends to pack less punch when you’re looking forward to an activity, group, or service project. Compassion, generosity, and gratitude are excellent stress relievers.
4. House your mind in a healthier environment
How you treat your body matters. Fast food, three hours of sleep, and a pot of coffee instead of water aren’t good for you. Sitting all day in a car, at a desk, then on the couch can worsen stress.
As much as possible, forgo the junk food and fill the fridge with fresh, whole foods. Drink plenty of water and less caffeine and alcohol, as they can exacerbate anxiety and depression.
Also, be sure to aim for 6 to 8 hours of sleep. Your body needs to recover from the strain of the day. Your mind needs time to prepare for the next day’s demands.
Combat a sedentary lifestyle or a job and the emotional tension you hold in your body. Science confirms the benefits of movement and exercise on mood and overall health.
5. Get a handle on the thing you call “control”
Life is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes unfair. You don’t have to wear yourself out trying to control any of that. Instead, practice preparing well and responding with intention. Try a few of these tips:
It’s okay to avoid certain known stressors. Don’t visit your ex’s social media page. Leave earlier to avoid the daily dose of road rage. Have your stuff delivered if you hate standing in line at the store. Sidestep stress where you can.
Accept that sometimes the only choice you have is to roll with it. Bad weather ruins a planned day of golf. Flights get delayed. People are no-shows. Honor your feelings about all that. Then decide to use your time productively. Make the most of unpredictable moments. Give yourself credit for staying positive.
Don’t pretend to be superhuman. Resist the urge to over-promise, over-schedule, over-commit, and overdo it. Use the triage method of setting priorities. First things first. You’ll feel better saying “no” when you need to and finishing what you start well.
Anxiety Counseling: Taking the Next Step
With support and some perspective, you can learn to calm and regulate your anxious mind. Sessions with an anxiety counselor can help you cope. You can learn to manage unhelpful thought patterns; restore internal balance; and practice stress-relieving self-care.
Are you ready to take the next step together? I am here for you, experienced and trained to support you as you heal. Please read more about our Anxiety Counseling services. Contact me for a consultation soon.