Does it seem that the holiday season isn’t quite what it used to be? Are the days of anticipation and wonder given way to stress and dread? Why are family destinations at the end of your travels so upsetting? How has hosting loved ones become such a chore?
If you’re like millions of holiday revelers, family gatherings are not the happiest part of your holiday. Instead, family time may actually be the most frustrating time of your year. And, as you stroll the stores for gifts and groceries, you may be wondering how to hold on to your goodwill and glad tidings while anticipating irritating questions, bickering, and possible ugliness that could accompany this year’s gatherings.
Indeed, you may not be able to give your family an attitude overhaul before sitting down at the holiday table. However, there are several things you can do to help everyone keep their cool (and your migraines to a minimum):
Anxiety Counseling: 7 Things It’s Okay to Do If You’re Frustrated by Family Gatherings
Mentally Prepare To Be Merry
Don’t surrender your holiday joy too easily. You are still in charge of your own thoughts and actions. Before the holiday gatherings, take some time on your own to celebrate your way. If you like holiday music, turn it up. If you prefer holiday movies to football bowl games, watch as many Hallmark movies as you like. Hang lights, bake goodies, or snuggle in with a beverage and have a good time doing nothing at all.
Tell Yourself the Truth
You know your nephews have no table manners. You’re well aware that your mother-in-law will turn up her nose at your place settings. It is what it is. Acceptance is the key to your peace and sanity.
There’s no point in pretending that things will magically change this year. And that’s okay. Healthy people spare themselves the frustration of trying to control the actions of others. Acknowledge your familial reality. Try to roll with it. You’re better off.
Engage Without Rage
Develop a peacekeeper's family foreign policy for the sake of the season. Now may be the time to consider diplomatic practices that facilitate as much family fun as possible. There will be those who struggle with tact and positivity. Internally, make a strong commitment to picking your battles. Ask yourself if politics and hot-button topics are really worth the drama. Be quick to set aside differences and plan calm, very mature responses when you need them.
Let Old Issues Lie
This aligns with acceptance and picking battles. Your real-life family is not the cast of a holiday movie. It is okay to let them be who they are. It is fine not to see eye to eye. Leave longstanding hurts alone, and permit them to deal with their own hang-ups. Simply request that discussions remain respectful and try not to handle tense family matters over the turkey or pie.
Get Away For A While
For some families, distance is a real blessing. Thus it is no wonder that the novelty of gathering together repeatedly might wear off quickly. It is perfectly okay to take regularly scheduled breaks or plan to attend one or two family events. If you are hosting, don’t deal in guilt, give your family the freedom to do the same. It may be wise to temper family tension with some built-in time for individual stress relief and relaxation.
Reconsider Rigid Expectations
Sometimes tensions arise out of an unwillingness to acknowledge change. The holidays can be a sensitive time. Has there been a significant loss or upheaval during the year? Is someone needing to back away from a particular tradition? Be empathetic and kind. Pay attention to each other. What used to be nostalgic and comforting may now be painful or stressful. Exemplify grace, compassion, and consideration whatever your loved ones’ responses.
Be Intentionally Grateful
The reality is that you are together, however calm or crazy, for another year together. Often, a bit of reflection and gratitude shared among you may help encourage good humor and laughter. Be intentional about sharing the things you appreciate and miss about each other. Do your best to take the spotlight off family faults and highlight how your family is fortunate.
Perspective and gratitude can do wonders for creating a meaningful and memorable holiday.
Anxiety Counseling: Seek Support When You Need It
Finally, whatever tensions arise, make a practice of staying mindful and meeting your mental health needs the way you see fit. Remember that you are not powerless to endure mistreatment, lingering pain, or continued misunderstanding for the sake of tradition. Put yourself in the proper position to make sound personal decisions while interacting with difficult family members now and always.
Employ the support of objective parties, and calming self-care before, during, and after the season. There is no shame in scheduling time with a therapist if you need to explore unresolved issues. This can support clarity and open your mind to celebration and cooperation in ways that make coping realistic and enjoyable for many holidays to come.
I am experienced and qualified to support you. Please read more about my Anxiety Treatment services. Contact me for a consultation soon.