Years ago, thoughts of an empty nest and life after kids were fleeting notions. You busied yourself with the trials and triumphs of parenthood. For a while, your children clung to you. But, inevitably, they began to grow up and make their way.
Now, somehow, here you are. The house has been returned to you, empty. Everyday parenting duties are suspended. Though you’re excited for this new chapter for you and your kids, this new phase is proving harder than you thought. You may feel upset, listless, or even confused about your purpose and goals.
Take comfort, you aren’t alone. Your empty nest doesn’t have to leave you permanently feeling empty, anxious, or depressed. It's natural to feel this life change deeply. It’s okay to notice and grapple with such a shift. It’s also wise to pay attention to your feelings and face them with support and a plan. Try a few of the following ideas to make the transition easier:
6 Coping Strategies to Cope with Empty Nest Anxiety
Seek Out Support
This is a transitional time for you and your family. Surround yourself with sympathetic friends or family members who understand. Talk about your mixed emotions. Journal and discuss your concerns for your child or children, as well as the anticipation of new freedoms or routines.
A therapist, too, may be a good sounding board for you. Share any feelings of loss or anxiety as you contemplate the next phase of your life. You may be hesitant at first, but couples therapy also often helps parents realize they have some communication roadblocks they need to address as well. Through therapy, you may learn new communication techniques that support renewed appreciation for yourself, your family, and your experiences.
Prepare and Plan Ahead
Accept that low moods and lonely periods will come. Don’t let the sudden quiet and stillness hit you too hard or for too long. Plan for the voids in your schedule and limited social interaction. Schedule ways to stay in touch with your children. Utilize social media, text messaging, or schedule regular visits. Combat the loneliness by making time to get out of the house and engage in a new routine. Put some dates, activities, and get-togethers on that calendar where the kid stuff used to be.
Revive Romance
There is no one in the bedroom next door. There isn’t anyone at home to rush back to. Long weekends away and late mornings in bed can be enjoyed at will. If you are in a relationship, now is the time to really get to know your partner in a new way. If time and child-rearing caused you to push parts of your relationship to the back burner, rekindle the fire. Be intentional about reconnecting. If you find you and your partner need help, this childfree period is an opportune time to meet with a therapist together to help get the relationship back on track.
Not in a relationship? Not a problem. Consider the Oxford dictionary’s secondary definition of romance, expressed apart from courtship or a partner:
ro·mance
2. a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.
In other words, allow this new phase of life to be different and fresh. Whether you clear out the clutter in your home, begin a daily journal or meditations, or start dating in earnest, this is your time to notice the mystery and excitement that comes with being you. Make space to rediscover the romance and beauty in yourself; something you might not have had the bandwidth to notice before.
Move Forward Through Mentorship and Goodwill
Loneliness is at epidemic levels in our communities. You have the power to push back against loneliness for yourself and someone else through altruism and generosity. Remember, whether your kids share a home with you or not, you are still a parent. This means you are probably a “care and nurture expert.” Someone out there can benefit from your parenting expertise and life experience.
Mentoring young parents, or volunteer work in other areas of interest, can prove very rewarding. Consider a few hours at a community center, religious institution, or animal shelter to get started. Soon, you may find you’ve sparked new social connections and eased rumination on your child’s exit.
Praise Your Progress
The truth? The mere fact that your child(ren) is flying solo means you’ve done your job. The separation anxiety is real, but so is the reality that you’ve successfully reached a family milestone. You have reason to celebrate! You saw your children through the emotional and physical bumps and scrapes of childhood to become independent young adults.
Accept efforts and the lessons learned. Trust the parental guidance you dispensed. Be proud that they feel confident enough to move on. You helped them secure the motivation to find their own way in the world. That is a huge accomplishment.
Explore and Evolve
Your kids aren’t the only ones with fresh adventures ahead and new pursuits to explore. Now is your time, too. Be creative, travel, and take a class. The peace and quiet you once coveted are here. Don’t waste it. Who are you now, and where are you headed?
An empty nest signals an important, healthy transition for you and your children. If you find yourself unable to shake feelings of depression, anxiety, or grief, spend some time with a therapist who can help you through this tough period. Take time to adjust as you watch your child(ren) fly away. Then, take a breath and rediscover your own wings.
Let’s Embrace Your Empty Nest Adventure Together
So, there you have it, several strategies to help you navigate the empty nest phase with grace and self-compassion. Whether you're rediscovering shared interests, embracing open communication, planning adventures, or considering couples therapy, each decision you make now will help you craft your next chapter. An experienced ear and some constructive guidance can also help empower you. With supportive anxiety treatment, you can shift your perspective and silence the negative self-talk or persistent worry that distracst you from enjoying this season of your life as well.
This transitional journey is yours to shape, and it can be as wonderful as you make it. If you're ready, let’s take the next step together. I am experienced, compassionate, and qualified to help. Please read more about my Anxiety Treatment services. Contact me for a consultation soon.