It seems that so many people are just walking balls of anxiety.
We’re trying to solve every problem in front of us, but we just can’t do it. Sometimes we have to sit with our problems and accept them. That can be very unnerving. How do we learn to just sit with the discomfort? Most of us try to preoccupy ourselves first.
We try the obvious ways: Facebook, TV, and video games. We also try less obvious tactics, like continual attempts to fix things, solve problems, and anticipate every possible thing that could happen. We might even obsess about what’s going on without noticing how we actually feel about it.
Research shows that we don’t have to be meditation gurus to benefit from mindfulness. We just have to spend a little time actually being present, fully in the moment we’re in.
It’s important to be at the table, in the conversation, or on the phone, paying full attention to what you are doing now. Not distracted by what’s happening next, or allowing thoughts and feelings that are disconnected from what’s happening now to invade. You can’t do anything about what might happen later. It is a self-compassionate approach to being in the moment. So, how exactly do you do that?
Mindfulness Is A Practice
When we intentionally experience mindful moments, it is like exercise for our brains. Doing a mindfulness exercise once a month is about as helpful to your mind as hitting the gym sporadically is for your body.
In other words, mindful exercise develops skills and builds us up mentally over time. Mindfulness teaches you to disconnect from negative thinking, redirect your thoughts, and refocus on the present. Repetitive practice gives you the skills to reduce, rather than amplify, your fear by changing how you experience strain, discomfort, or anxiety.
Of course, with mindfulness, anxiety still happens. You just have the skills to keep you from being sucked in. Even better, several physical benefits are gained as well: our cortisol levels are lowered, stress decreases, and the amount of inflammation in our bodies is reduced.
Mindfulness is Not Pressure
Now, how can you incorporate mindful learning and attention into your daily life and relationships? The goal is not to distract yourself from the here and now by making mindfulness a to-do list item. Try these tips instead:
Resist the urge to sign up for tedious, mindful assignments or busywork.
Instead of saying, “From now on, I am going to meditate for 20 minutes a day,” try to commit to simply being more conscious. Check in on yourself. Ask, “What am I doing in this moment? Am I really in the moment or allowing thoughts of the past or future to intrude? Mindfulness also needn’t be too big a deal or too complicated a thing. Humanize it. You definitely don’t need to make mindfulness another stressor.
Remember, Buddhism and yoga are not prerequisites.
Simply try to bring yourself back to the moment more and more often. You don’t need to do that ritualistically or rigidly. If you only have a few mindful moments in the day, give yourself credit. It is more than you were accomplishing before. From there, you can trust that your brain is changing, less activated by threat and stress hormones.
So, whether you are washing dishes or walking in the park, stay with the current moment. It makes your brain better, calmer, and more focused.
Lean In to Non-Judgmental Acceptance
Mindfulness is not about control. Being mindful means relinquishing the need to assess your experiences or others’ experiences.
Seeing a moment or circumstance for what it is, without trying to control or trying to avoid it, is a challenging part of mindfulness. The practice improves as you remain curious, instead of judging or controlling what you sense or feel.
Why Mindfulness Practice Makes A Difference
When we practice sitting with our own discomfort, worries, and fears, we also tend to become more empathetic and compassionate toward others. Why?
Simply put, it’s not easy being human. We just don’t naturally want to sit in our uncomfortable emotions. It’s easier to lean into tools of distraction, like cell phones and tablets, and disconnect. As a result, many of us tend to show less empathy through our use of them. Becoming more mindful supports connecting with others as well as ourselves.
Do you want to know more about how to approach mindfulness? I am here to help. Please feel free to contact me for a consultation. I can help you practice mindfulness techniques and maximize your ability to connect. Read more about Anxiety Counseling, and let's talk about how we can work together. Please call (805) 374-1770 or email me at Linda@lindafisherman.com for compassionate care and support.